In telling the story of his deep clinical depression in chapter 4 of Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer recalls the friends who came to cheer him up. “It is a lovely day outside,” they would say. “Parker, you just need to get outside and enjoy it.” Or, “You are such a good person, Parker. Remember all the good you have done and that will cheer you up.” But such advice only deepened Palmer’s misery – reminding him of how disconnected he was from his own feelings.
The friend who helped Palmer the most during that period of unspeakable misery was the one who came daily to massage Palmer’s feet. The friend gave no advice, didn’t try to “fix” Palmer, just came to be with him. His friend’s simple presence was “life-giving knowledge in the midst of an experience that makes one feel annihilated and invisible,” says Palmer (pg 64).
Such wisdom there is in this friend’s simple ministry. Palmer writes that “one of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to ‘fix’ it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery” (pg 63).
Eventually, as Palmer began to realize the guidance that emerged from his bout with depression, he found he had in many ways been living a life that was not his to live. For a long time, he writes, “The ‘oughts’ had been the driving force in my life” (pg 67). He had to ask himself if what he was living was truly his gift and call.
Palmer found that the self is a mix of good and evil, darkness and light, a place, he says, “where we can finally embrace the humanity we share with others” (pg 70).
Questions for reflection
Palmer says that “Mystery surrounds every deep experience of the human heart: the deeper we go into the heart’s darkness or its light: the closer we get to the ultimate mystery of God. But our culture wants to turn mysteries into puzzles to be explained or problems to be solved. (pg 60).
What are the mysteries of your life that you are trying to figure out? Where do you see God in this mystery?
Palmer’s friend who massaged his feet did not reflect the “functional atheism” we sometimes practice – “pious words abut God’s presence in our lives but believing, on the contrary, that nothing good is going to happen unless we make it happen” (pg 64).
What do think about Palmer’s statement here? Where do you see “functional atheism” in your world?:
Palmer quotes Florida Scott Maxwell: “You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done . . . you are fierce with reality (pg 70).
What would it look like for you to be “fierce with reality”? Name one thing in your life that you have been denying and need to accept.
In Deuteronomy, Moses, speaking for God, says to the Israelites, “I set before you life or death, blessing or curse. Therefore choose life” (Deut 30:19).
What would it mean for you today to choose life?
More Resources
The story of Our Lady’s juggler
There are many versions of the ancient story by Anatole France about the simple juggler who wanted to be a monk but had none of the skills of a monk. He could not write lovely poems or illustrate beautiful manuscripts or recite pious prayers. He could only juggle.
But he found a way to honor the Virgin Mary like a real monk. Read the story to find out how.
The summary version here is from The University of Dayton library.
For the original short story by Anatole France, search Google for “Our Lady’s Juggler.” You can find it at Spirituality for Today, but it is an unsecure site.
The Wisdom Years 